"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
"Computers are like Old Testament gods lots of rules and no mercy."Emo Philips on Joseph Campbell
"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."Emo Philips on Stephen Hawking
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."Emo Philips on Pablo Picasso
"I think it's fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we've ever created. They're tools of communication, they're tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user."Emo Philips on Bill Gates
"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."Emo Philips on Andy Rooney
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."