"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."Emo Philips on Frederick Douglass
"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."Emo Philips on Anais Nin
"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance."Emo Philips on Oscar Wilde
"Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?"Emo Philips on Confucius
"Man becomes great exactly in the degree in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men."Emo Philips on Mahatma Gandhi
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."