"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."
"A joke is a very serious thing."Emo Philips on Winston Churchill
"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."Emo Philips on Mark Twain
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."Emo Philips on William James
"If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide."Emo Philips on Mahatma Gandhi
"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road."Emo Philips on Henry Ward Beecher
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."