"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate only love can do that."Emo Philips on Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."Emo Philips on Mahatma Gandhi
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."Emo Philips on John F. Kennedy
"Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them."Emo Philips on Bruce Lee
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."Emo Philips on Oscar Wilde
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."