"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."Emo Philips on Edmund Burke
"It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come."Emo Philips on Dalai Lama
"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."Emo Philips on Albert Einstein
"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."Emo Philips on Anne Frank
"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion."Emo Philips on Abraham Lincoln
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."