"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."Erma Bombeck on Mae West
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."Erma Bombeck on Jim Davis
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."Erma Bombeck on Orson Welles
"No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated with any other means."Erma Bombeck on Maimonides
"Adopting a new healthier lifestyle can involve changing diet to include more fresh fruit and vegetables as well as increasing levels of exercise."Erma Bombeck on Linford Christie
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."