"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."
"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife."Erma Bombeck on Barbara de Angelis
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy if not, you'll become a philosopher."Erma Bombeck on Socrates
"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married."Erma Bombeck on Robert Frost
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."Erma Bombeck on Groucho Marx
"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness."Erma Bombeck on Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."