"I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex."
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."Erma Bombeck on Eleanor Roosevelt
"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."Erma Bombeck on Marilyn Monroe
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."Erma Bombeck on Friedrich Nietzsche
"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."Erma Bombeck on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."Erma Bombeck on John Lennon
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."