"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."Erma Bombeck on Michael Jordan
"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."Erma Bombeck on Mark Twain
"Golf is a good walk spoiled."Erma Bombeck on Mark Twain
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."Erma Bombeck on Hunter S. Thompson
"Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after."Erma Bombeck on Henry David Thoreau
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."