"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."Erma Bombeck on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."Erma Bombeck on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."Erma Bombeck on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."Erma Bombeck on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."Erma Bombeck on James C. Dobson
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."