"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
"It might be said now that I have the best of both worlds. A Harvard education and a Yale degree."Erma Bombeck on John F. Kennedy
"God will not look you over for medals degrees or diplomas, but for scars."Erma Bombeck on Elbert Hubbard
"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."Erma Bombeck on Robert Orben
"Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know."Erma Bombeck on T. S. Eliot
"You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world."Erma Bombeck on Tom Brokaw
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."