"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Erma Bombeck on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Erma Bombeck on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Erma Bombeck on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Erma Bombeck on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Erma Bombeck on Steven Wright
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."