"Never order food in excess of your body weight."
"I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying, dead."Erma Bombeck on Oscar Wilde
"You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans."Erma Bombeck on Ronald Reagan
"It's difficult to believe that people are still starving in this country because food isn't available."Erma Bombeck on Ronald Reagan
"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."Erma Bombeck on Yogi Berra
"Beware the hobby that eats."Erma Bombeck on Benjamin Franklin
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."