"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas."Erma Bombeck on Calvin Coolidge
"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree."Erma Bombeck on Roy L. Smith
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."Erma Bombeck on George Carlin
"Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store."Erma Bombeck on Dr. Seuss
"A good conscience is a continual Christmas."Erma Bombeck on Benjamin Franklin
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."