"Can you imagine a guy breaking into your car, and he steals your guitar case 'cause he thinks it's a guitar, and he gets it home and opens it up and there's a rake inside it, an electric toilet plunger and a dog skull? That actually happened."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Eugene Chadbourne on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Eugene Chadbourne on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Eugene Chadbourne on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Eugene Chadbourne on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Eugene Chadbourne on Steven Wright
"I want to be taken seriously as the type of musician that plays stuff like an electric rake. I mean, how seriously do you take someone like Spike Jones? They take him pretty seriously - a really good musician who made a great contribution in terms of humor, which is part of what I try to do too."