"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail."
"No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens."Fran Lebowitz on Abraham Lincoln
"I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."Fran Lebowitz on Winston Churchill
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."Fran Lebowitz on Robert A. Heinlein
"Time spent with cats is never wasted."Fran Lebowitz on Sigmund Freud
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself."Fran Lebowitz on Josh Billings
"Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass."
"Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure."
"There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior."
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
"I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult."