"You're only as good as your last haircut."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Fran Lebowitz on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Fran Lebowitz on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Fran Lebowitz on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Fran Lebowitz on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Fran Lebowitz on Elbert Hubbard
"Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass."
"Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure."
"There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior."
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
"I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult."