"Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?"
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Frank Carson on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Frank Carson on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Frank Carson on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Frank Carson on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Frank Carson on Steven Wright
"I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man."
"It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me."
"I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance."