"I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Frank Carson on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Frank Carson on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Frank Carson on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Frank Carson on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Frank Carson on Elbert Hubbard
"Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?"
"It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me."
"I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance."