"I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."Frank Carson on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."Frank Carson on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."Frank Carson on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."Frank Carson on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."Frank Carson on James C. Dobson
"Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?"
"I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man."
"It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me."