"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."Fred Allen on Albert Einstein
"The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation."Fred Allen on Oscar Wilde
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."Fred Allen on Arthur C. Clarke
"The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty, and all forms of human life."Fred Allen on John F. Kennedy
"I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack that life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours."Fred Allen on John F. Kennedy
"We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion."
"An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission."
"My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense."
"Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."