"The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion."
"Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present."Fred Allen on Roger Babson
"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."Fred Allen on Abraham Lincoln
"Lost time is never found again."Fred Allen on Benjamin Franklin
"Patience and time do more than strength or passion."Fred Allen on Jean de La Fontaine
"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is."Fred Allen on C. S. Lewis
"We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion."
"An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission."
"My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense."
"Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."