"The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand."
"If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love."Fred Allen on Maya Angelou
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."Fred Allen on Charles M. Schulz
"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."Fred Allen on Coco Chanel
"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."Fred Allen on Blaise Pascal
"The best smell in the world is that man that you love."Fred Allen on Jennifer Aniston
"We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion."
"An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission."
"My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense."
"Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."