"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."George Burns on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."George Burns on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."George Burns on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."George Burns on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."George Burns on Elbert Hubbard
"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old."
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere."
"At my age flowers scare me."