"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live."George Carlin on Martin Luther King, Jr.
"To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent."George Carlin on Buddha
"The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."George Carlin on Albert Einstein
"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."George Carlin on Mark Twain
"Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see."George Carlin on Helen Keller
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."