"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."
"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."George Carlin on Confucius
"All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence."George Carlin on Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."George Carlin on Thomas A. Edison
"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day."George Carlin on Robert Frost
"Nothing will work unless you do."George Carlin on Maya Angelou
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."