"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
"When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life now that I am old I know that it is."George Carlin on Oscar Wilde
"A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money."George Carlin on John Ruskin
"Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants."George Carlin on Benjamin Franklin
"The lack of money is the root of all evil."George Carlin on Mark Twain
"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."George Carlin on Mark Twain
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."