"Religion is just mind control."
"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple the philosophy is kindness."George Carlin on Dalai Lama
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."George Carlin on Mahatma Gandhi
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."George Carlin on C. S. Lewis
"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither."George Carlin on C. S. Lewis
"I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is."George Carlin on Albert Camus
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."