"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."
"I'll never stop dreaming that one day we can be a real family, together, all of us laughing and talking, loving and understanding, not looking at the past but only to the future."George Carlin on LaToya Jackson
"If a country is to be corruption free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who can make a difference. They are the father, the mother and the teacher."George Carlin on Abdul Kalam
"Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten."George Carlin on David Ogden Stiers
"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege."George Carlin on Charles Kuralt
"Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship."George Carlin on Margaret Mead
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."