"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
"The empires of the future are the empires of the mind."George Carlin on Winston Churchill
"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."George Carlin on Oscar Wilde
"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."George Carlin on Steve Jobs
"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."George Carlin on Albert Einstein
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."George Carlin on William Shakespeare
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."