"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"
"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged."George Carlin on Ronald Reagan
"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."George Carlin on Nelson Mandela
"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom."George Carlin on Dwight D. Eisenhower
"I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do."George Carlin on Robert A. Heinlein
"Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err."George Carlin on Mahatma Gandhi
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."