"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."George Carlin on Robert Frost
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."George Carlin on Buddha
"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too."George Carlin on Will Smith
"Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it."George Carlin on Sai Baba
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."George Carlin on George Bernard Shaw
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."