"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."George Carlin on Edmund Burke
"It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come."George Carlin on Dalai Lama
"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."George Carlin on Albert Einstein
"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."George Carlin on Anne Frank
"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion."George Carlin on Abraham Lincoln
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."