"Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Graham Norton on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Graham Norton on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Graham Norton on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Graham Norton on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Graham Norton on Elbert Hubbard
"It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it?"
"I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long."
"My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me."
"The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky."
"All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with."