"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Groucho Marx on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Groucho Marx on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Groucho Marx on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Groucho Marx on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Groucho Marx on Elbert Hubbard
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."