"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."
"A joke is a very serious thing."Groucho Marx on Winston Churchill
"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."Groucho Marx on Mark Twain
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."Groucho Marx on William James
"If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide."Groucho Marx on Mahatma Gandhi
"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road."Groucho Marx on Henry Ward Beecher
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."