"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."Groucho Marx on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."Groucho Marx on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."Groucho Marx on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."Groucho Marx on Erma Bombeck
"Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other."Groucho Marx on Anton Chekhov
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."