"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."Groucho Marx on John Wooden
"Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny."Groucho Marx on Thomas Jefferson
"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."Groucho Marx on Theodore Roosevelt
"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting."Groucho Marx on e. e. cummings
"In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher."Groucho Marx on Dalai Lama
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."