"There are the medical dangers of football in general caused by head trauma over repetitive hits."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."H. G. Bissinger on Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."H. G. Bissinger on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."H. G. Bissinger on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."H. G. Bissinger on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."H. G. Bissinger on Erma Bombeck
"Maybe it's a tired tale, but without an education, you're not going to go anywhere."
"In more than 20 years I've spent studying the issue, I have yet to hear a convincing argument that college football has anything do with what is presumably the primary purpose of higher education: academics."
"If you leave your wife and you don't ever contact her again, that says something about how you felt about the marriage."
"I'm really not interested in other people's opinions, because I think frankly most of those opinions are either misinformed and adding to this endless ball of hot air we have in our society where everyone thinks their opinion is valuable and sacred and what counts."
"I worked at my high school newspaper at Andover, which came out weekly, unusual for a high school paper. Then my first day at Penn I went right to the 'Daily Pennsylvanian' and pretty much spent most of my college career working both as the sports editor and then editor of the editorial page."