"It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."H. L. Mencken on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."H. L. Mencken on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."H. L. Mencken on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."H. L. Mencken on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."H. L. Mencken on Elbert Hubbard
"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
"Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age."
"Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him."
"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage."
"A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in."