"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
"It is better to travel well than to arrive."Henny Youngman on Buddha
"Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends."Henny Youngman on Maya Angelou
"One travels more usefully when alone, because he reflects more."Henny Youngman on Thomas Jefferson
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."Henny Youngman on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page."Henny Youngman on Saint Augustine
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."
"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"