"Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Howard Stern on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Howard Stern on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Howard Stern on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Howard Stern on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Howard Stern on Elbert Hubbard
"I wanted to go hide. I wasn't looking to be more famous, I'm famous enough."
"If you're a Christian you don't sit there and worry about what somebody else is doing, if they're happy and they're committed in a relationship."
"I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock."