"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Jack Benny on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Jack Benny on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Jack Benny on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Jack Benny on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Jack Benny on Elbert Hubbard
"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"Gags die, humor doesn't."
"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."