"If I took over the 'Glamour' offices for a day, I would put Joe Pesci on the cover. I would say 'We've got to change all these magazines a little bit. We have to bring out a different version of what is, like, cool. You know, what's winning. Joe Pesci, Burt Reynolds.'"
"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances."Jake Johnson on Thomas Jefferson
"Rather be dead than cool."Jake Johnson on Kurt Cobain
"All women do have a different sense of sexuality, or sense of fun, or sense of like what's sexy or cool or tough."Jake Johnson on Angelina Jolie
"Let your soul stand cool and composed before a million universes."Jake Johnson on Walt Whitman
"It's really kind of cool to have solar panels on your roof."Jake Johnson on Bill Gates
"My dream career would be to be in things that have real heart and are telling real stories but while doing that, you're getting really big laughs. I don't necessarily love the straight crazy comedies. 'Caddyshack' is amazing, but there's not a lot of new 'Caddyshack's."
"I was really into classifieds for awhile. I'm a big negotiator. My father owned a car dealership when I was younger... it's just in my blood."
"You know, what 'New Girl' is doing is they're bringing in really cool people. These are home-run people who aren't your typical guest-star-type people."