"My dream career would be to be in things that have real heart and are telling real stories but while doing that, you're getting really big laughs. I don't necessarily love the straight crazy comedies. 'Caddyshack' is amazing, but there's not a lot of new 'Caddyshack's."
"Sometimes I think my husband is so amazing that I don't know why he's with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make him happy, then I'm everything I want to be."Jake Johnson on Angelina Jolie
"If you tell people where to go, but not how to get there, you'll be amazed at the results."Jake Johnson on George S. Patton
"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."Jake Johnson on Harry S. Truman
"If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you."Jake Johnson on Les Brown
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."Jake Johnson on Conan O'Brien
"I was really into classifieds for awhile. I'm a big negotiator. My father owned a car dealership when I was younger... it's just in my blood."
"If I took over the 'Glamour' offices for a day, I would put Joe Pesci on the cover. I would say 'We've got to change all these magazines a little bit. We have to bring out a different version of what is, like, cool. You know, what's winning. Joe Pesci, Burt Reynolds.'"
"You know, what 'New Girl' is doing is they're bringing in really cool people. These are home-run people who aren't your typical guest-star-type people."