"I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."James H. Boren on Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."James H. Boren on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."James H. Boren on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."James H. Boren on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."James H. Boren on Erma Bombeck
"When in doubt, mumble when in trouble, delegate when in charge, ponder."
"A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together."