"I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Janeane Garofalo on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Janeane Garofalo on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Janeane Garofalo on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Janeane Garofalo on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Janeane Garofalo on Elbert Hubbard
"To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first."
"Here's what the right-wing has in, there's no shortage of the natural resources of ignorance, apathy, hate, fear. As long as those things are in the collective conscious and unconscious, the Republicans will have some votes."
"I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest."
"Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up."
"I don't think Hollywood was trying to do anything with me. In fact, they lost interest pretty quick. I think I got lucky, briefly, in the '90s, and it just so happened that those movies were the opportunities that came my way. Then it just kind of stopped."