"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."
"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain."Jay London on Mae West
"Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things."Jay London on Keanu Reeves
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."Jay London on Mitch Hedberg
"You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and its good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete."Jay London on Keith Sweat
"Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others."Jay London on Wayne Dyer
"I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out."
"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."
"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
"It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes."
"I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger."