"My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this."
"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father."Jeff Foxworthy on Pope John XXIII
"When one has not had a good father, one must create one."Jeff Foxworthy on Friedrich Nietzsche
"My father? I never knew him. Never even seen a picture of him."Jeff Foxworthy on Eminem
"I am not ashamed to say that no man I ever met was my father's equal, and I never loved any other man as much."Jeff Foxworthy on Hedy Lamarr
"Whoever does not have a good father should procure one."Jeff Foxworthy on Friedrich Nietzsche
"My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!"
"If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck."
"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
"You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education."
"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"