"People are roasting each other at parties, at work events, around the fire. It's so fun. People are busting each other's chops, and it's a sign of affection, truly. It's a true test of love and friendship: can you make a man laugh at himself? So what makes a good burn? Go after targets you love and respect. And hit 'em hard."
"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."Jeff Ross on Elbert Hubbard
"Don't walk behind me I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."Jeff Ross on Albert Camus
"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."Jeff Ross on Buddha
"Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."Jeff Ross on Muhammad Ali
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."Jeff Ross on Oprah Winfrey
"I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special."
"I'm a big fan of Courtney Love. I love Hole and I love her acting and I love her attitude. I just hope I never meet her in a dark alley."
"My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain."
"Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere."
"I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be."